Old Bay Pretzel and Cheese Cookies

I was born and raised in New England but I’ve lived in Maryland now for most of my life. So much of my adopted state are really lovely but there is one thing, sadly a thing that has come to represent Maryland and Marylanders, that I pretty much detest. Old Bay. I hate it. There I said it.

Marylanders put it on crabs, of course. Totally drowning out the delicate crab meat flavor. But they don’t stop there – on shrimp, potato chips, French fries, pickles, chocolates, pasta sauce, even BEER. (Honestly, the beer’s the best of the lot, if you ask me.) If you ask your typical Marylander what are some of Maryland’s signature foods, you might get crabs as the most common answer, especially in central and eastern Maryland. But Old Bay’s going to be next, if it hadn’t been first.

I’d pick Rye whisky, and then crabs, Smith Island cake and would pretty much never get to Old Bay, that’s how much I dislike it.

But this recipe proved me wrong. I have found the one place where Old Bay is brilliant. And that’s in these Old Bay Pretzel and Cheese Cookies. Cookies? Or are they crackers?  I hate to use the word cookies because people expect a cookie to be sweet. And these are savory appetizers all the way.  

These are crazy easy to make, throw together to take to a party or as a hostess gift, as they can be eaten right away, or frozen for later. You just need to remember to build in an extra hour to freeze the logs.

Okay, if you don’t have a food processor, these actually aren’t easy. I’m going to wait here while you finally break down and go buy one. Seriously. I mean, if the apocalypse comes and you need to do this without electricity, you could use forks or a pastry blender to cut in the butter (that’s the technical term for what happens in the food processor when you whazz the butter and dry ingredients). But then you’re going to be screwed, what without a freezer certainly, so this may be a post-apocalypse non-starter of a recipe. So enjoy it now. 

So toss 170 grams of flour, 2 heaping tsp (or more if you’re a big Old Bay fan, I’m going to sigh, but too many of my friends love this stuff and I love them so I keep it to a small sigh. Even I do heaping teaspoons) of Old Bay seasoning, ½ tsp of salt and whazz it in the food processor to mix. Then 6 ounces of cold butter and cut it into 24 pieces (thereabouts). Toss that into the processor and whazz again until the butter’s just little pea or smaller sized flour coated bits. Add four ounces of shredded sharp cheddar, and 2 ounces of coarsely chopped or crushed pretzels. 

Note: You can use whatever cheese you want, don’t let a sudden shortage of cheddar cramp your style – but I’m telling you that a good sharp cheddar is the best. And also any kind of pretzel, but sticks will give you the most “pretzel-y” flavor as they’ve got a high ratio of salt/crust to innards. I put those bad boys in a zippered plastic bag and whack them with the edge of a meat tenderizer. But if you want to live large, chop them with a knife and spend a half an hour cleaning up the pretzel bits that have now shrapnelled themselves all over your kitchen.  

Anyhoo, toss them in the processor and do some short, quick pulses just to blend until the dough starts to clump. Dump it on a work surface and knead briefly until it all comes together. Divide it in half. Roll into two logs, about 9 inches long, wrap tightly in plastic, freeze for at least one hour. 

When you’re ready, preheat the oven to 350. pull the logs out one at a time, slice them about a third of an inch thick (hint, use a serrated knife to easily cut through the pretzels and after each slice, rotate the roll  about  ¼ of the way toward you so that you continue to cut evenly) and put them on two baking sheets lined with parchment. Or greased sheets. Cook for 20 minutes, rotating the sheets halfway through so they cook evenly. They should be firm and golden brown. Let them rest a few minutes on the sheet, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely. They want to be eaten at room temperature so don’t go rushing and burn your mouth while they’re still hot. Let them cool completely – hell, cook them the day before, if you can, to completely let the flavors develop and meld.

These are sturdy cookies – the dough or finished cookies can hang in the freezer for up to two months. And the cookies will be just fine for up to a week in a container or well wrapped.